Love of mine.

There are so many things to say about the person I love. The biggest thing is for him to know I will always love him. It scares me on a daily basis that he might find someone who he likes more.

I'm a Gemini to the core and with saying that it means I have more than one side to my personality.

Part of me will feel whole heartedly for something one moment and then change the next. My love for him is forever though. My biggest problem is that I get so caught up in my own thoughts that I get scared.

My views are constantly changing and I find myself being dragged away with my latest obsessions. My love is a very insecure person at times. I have no doubts whatsoever that he is very much like me. Constantly in a state of self doubt. I always worry that he doesn't know how I feel about him. He has his own things he deals with and I feel sorry that I'm not 100% into everything he is at times. The only thing I can say about it is that at times I feel different about some things or I'm just not in the mood.

Sometimes I want a man.
Sometimes I want a girl.
At times I want both.
Sometimes I want to care for him. Sometimes I want him to care for me.

But it's difficult. My mind can't ever stay in one place. I'm scatter brained and I know it but I don't lie. Not to him. Ever. I'm not always all the way into his interests but then again. Ditto for him.

Holding a job gets difficult even though ive been with mine for a year and some months. I get stressed. I get tired. I get confused.

He is my constant. Forever. I wish I could be the person I know he wants me to be but...I can't. I'm a Gemini. To the core. I am a different person everyday. I look the same. Act the same. Go by the same name. But my head is different. Running with too many thoughts. Too many feelings.

I like to think I'm a positive person. I'm happy. I get sad and worried. Angry. Upset. But I grow each day and change. Nobody can keep up. Least of all him. I know he can't always be what I need at any given time but he tries.

I love him.
What can I say. I'm more than just me.

Can't Cut It

The funny thing about cutting. People always judge.


Before I start writing anything about this let me start out by saying I'm not emo. I like the fashion sometimes. Of course, I like all kinds of fashion. It's not because I'm attention seeking. Far from it actually. Lastly, Yes I cut.


Okay so here we go...
Let me start by explaining why I personally cut. Because I like to. There  you have it. I'm not some depressed person or anything. I may have some problems, but then again don't we all? I genuinely like how it feels. I like how it looks. I like the look of scars. I'm not some sort of Masochist. I understand that most people think of it as a horrible thing that ruins the body and puts you in danger. You have piercings? Tattoos? Do you drink? Smoke? Those are all things that harm your body. Besides, it's my body. I should be able to do what I want with it.


FACT: My body is beautiful. I am not absolutely covered in scars.


How it began...
When I was younger I wanted attention. As stated earlier that is not why I do it. However that is how it started. I had a group of friends that were pretty much emo. We all went to church together and people would talk about there problems and seek out comfort from others. Many started cutting for it. I did as well. Not too long after that I began to cut whenever I felt I was going through some tough shit. It was never anything deep. Never left scars. Until something happened to me that was actually serious. It was a horrible encounter. I'm not ganna go into detail but that was the first time I ever got scars from cutting. It's been several several years and they are not going away. I felt dirty and wrong and I just turned to the first thing I could. So I cut. I was also put into a crazy person hospital. Go figure. After that I started to cut more. I liked how it felt.
Then I realized I wasn't doing it because I was emotionally distrait or anything like that. I just was because I liked it. It was pretty. It felt nice.


I do not cut often. Mostly because the places I always want to are in plain view or I know my family or friends will eventually see and ask questions. They assume I'm going through some kind of shit. I'm not. 


I have had my moments when I have been way upset and started to cut but it's like having a safety blanket to me. Something I can do that makes me feel better. I guess I am kind of a Masochist in a way because I DO like the sore feeling after it's scabbed up but I honestly don't want people to assume anything.


I can recall a time when I went to 'the Lake' with my family and I had scars on my legs that nobody had seen yet. they were healed and all but they were new. My loud mouthed Eldest Brother was the one who shouted "What the Hell did you do to your legs?" I have quite large scars on my calves you see. Most of the family ignored it. Thankfully. But....I did feel awkward for being put on spotlight. the scars on my wrists are the most noticeable to the public eye but nobody says anything. Who would? It's better that way. then I don't have to try to explain myself and sound crazy.


Maybe I am slightly off the wall. 


Once more...
Cutting to me is pretty. On my body. 
Some pictures I've seen are just gross. Seriously. Like Eww.

Well that's pretty much it. If you have anymore questions then I will gladly answer. :)

One last post before bed.

Just one last post before I head in for the night. I just set up my blogger account on my phone so hopefully I will remember to post more often. I look forward to seeing if I ever get any feedback! Ttfn.

(Poh-Toe-Pie)

I realized I never really did this when I was creating this blog but I felt I should probably get it out of the way.

Who is Potopie?
To start of I'll tell you how I got that name. It's simple really. I tried to type in Potato Pie and that did not work out so well. I think my keyboard messed up. One of my Favorite words in the English language is Potato. It's just a really fun word to say. Go ahead! Sound it out slowly and tell me you don't think it's fun.
Anyway, I've been going by that ever since. (Poh-Toe-Pie)

Gah! My neck hurts like a bitch!

Let me add some more details.
I have never spoken of my gender on here and I do not feel it is necessary. I have however posted a picture of me with Matt Leone from Madina Lake. If you squint maybe you can tell. I will eventually post some pictures of myself on here....Maybe but at the moment I do not feel it is needed as I have no fans and I'd rather my blog remain anonymous. Also, I almost consider myself androgynous. I'm not out of the closet to most of my family about my views on gender roles and such so I prefer to keep this blog unknown by them.
If you are offended by the fact that I am not out of the closet read closely.
I grew up in a southern-midwest family and have lived in what is called the bible belt for all my life. I don't feel that I am hiding myself. I just never talk about it with the people I know it would upset. If it becomes a relevant topic than it will be addressed but hopefully it will not. Keep in mind that I love my family and I am at heart a peaceful person. Why not let them live in their own little box for now?

If you are still reading congratulations! You aren't an ass or bigoted moron.

I'm a bit of a spazz at times and can tend to run on about things or forget completely about them. I'm a Gemini to the core that way! I usually don't believe in astrology like that but from what I've read of my birth year and sign it's spot on! I even fit the description of the year of the monkey! I get really excited about things one moment and then forget all about them the next or grow bored. I love spending money too! My motto is to never ever regret a purchase. So far I haven't. DVDs Clothes Games Pets Bullshit. You name it!

I am a very peaceful person and I usually try to avoid conflict. I'm opened minded and I have a lot of love to give. I'm just a generally good person! I try to be anyway. I may act like a hippie but I dress like a goth kid! Ah if I had all the money in the world.

The List:
I smoke weed.
I smoke cigarettes.( I've sorta quit once already)
I do not have a gender preference. (in fact I even like herms)
I'm Vain.
I talk a lot when hyper.
I drink occasionally.
I love toys.(not those kinds you pervs)
I love toys.(yes those kinds you pervs)
I'm a dork.
I love Scifi and fantasy.
My neck hurts really bad right now.
I'm addicted to dorritos.
I love energy drinks.

There is so much about me that I could tell you but I'm afraid my neck hurts way too bad to do any kind of good. I guess I'll have to leave the rest for next time. If you are interested in learning more about me be looking out for a part 2. Until next time Good bye!

Ferrets or Children?

My babies I never told you about!

So I've had this little guy for about 2 years and I'm not even sure why I never thought to post about this. His Name is Fisk. Ironically he's named after a cat. When I first got him I had planned on naming him Danko but things changed when I saw him. He just looked like a Fisk to me. He's a marshall farm's Ferret that I got from Petco. He's a sweet guy and I only just realized this when he started to calm down a bit. He was a handful when he was little but now he's the sweetest little thing.

Why a Ferret?
Well, honestly I'm a big dork and I always thought they were really cool and uncommon. Plus, once upon a time I had a crush that had ferrets and I've wanted one ever since.

What happened to my Dog Pepé?
Well....Long story. First off, He wasn't really my dog. He was my older brother's dog but it turns out that big bro didn't have enough time for him anymore. Sad isn't it? Well, I moved out shortly after I got these guys and my mother kept Pepe. Then he ran away. He's not dead or anything. We actually are 99.9 percent sure a person in the neighborhood took him in. Well there you have it.

Don't they stink?
Well, as a matter of fact they kind of do. Like most animals if you take care of them properly they do not smell. With ferrets you have to go the extra mile. This includes: Cleaning the cage daily,air freshener, bathes, and there is even this stuff you can put in their drinking water so that their poop isn't smelly. You have to make sure you take care of them like an OCD person in order for there to be no odor. I'm not perfect at this but after so long(and many years of smoking) i hardly notice a smell at all.

Fisk is not the only one I have. I also have an Albino named Spike(who was originally going to be something else). Five guesses who he's named after! He's only about 6 months old but he's already bigger than Fisk! This was super crazy considering he was the last one at Petco at the time cause he was so tiny. I have relatively tiny hands and he could fit in one hand! He was a runt and I was sort of worried about him surviving but he grew. Man did he ever! He is actually more aggressive than Fisk and he's been that way since he was super tiny. I hear that's very common in Albino animals.

Spike napping away!
Both of my Ferrets are like my children. I love them equally and I take a lot of bullshit about them.


Both Fisk and Spike get along very well. They are almost like brothers even though they are not. They have little fights every now and then but usually they fix it themselves.


One of the funniest things however is to see how their personalities differ. Fisk only likes to eat from his bowl if he has a choice and Spike absolutely does not.
LOLZ! Spike has a habit of digging in the food bowl and then eating the food that lands on the platform. Fisk however is very neat. He will pick up each and every piece of ferret food and place it in the bowl before eating. You can only imagine the hilarity that ensues!


Well once again that's pretty much it. Just thought I would show you my boys! Until next time!

Tokio Hotel Again

So I know it's been just about forever since my last post but I was thinking I should give you some updates

That's unfortunately not going to happen.
I'm posting again about Tokio Hotel. I usually tend to go through phases with things but some how this friggin band is still on my mind. Remember when I was obsessed with Madina Lake? This is so much worse. I feel as If I'm going to turn into one of those nut case freaky stalker fans. Please no.

Anyway, I was considering sending them some E-Mails in an attempt to get an interview for my blog but....
Well I fail. Nobody really reads this blog anyway. Hell I cant expect any different since I hardly ever post.

When the hell did this update turn into some thing about me? I'm getting side tracked.

What I wanted to say was Tokio Hotel is one of the most fascinating bands out there. I'm not going to lie though. Mostly it's the twins that are so astonishing. George(bassist) and Gustav(drummer) are relatively sane by comparison and you never here of them anyway. Bill(singer) and Tom(guitar) on the other hand seem to live in the spotlight. I don't know if it's on purpose or if they are just destined for stardom like so many others. What do you think? I'm an Alien all the way but I do have to admit I like Bill and Tom more.

I am way more than curious to learn more about the band. I'm currently working on a list of questions to ask if I should ever get an interview. I highly doubt it but here's hoping!

Lastly.
How far out of reach do you think the celebrities are and how do normal people ever make friends with them? I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't jump at the chance to be friends with a celebrity but I have to say that I would feel totally shallow for saying so. I guess I'm an Alien at heart even though I try to fight it.

Until next Time! Love!

Bill and Tom Kaulitz. The Twins. This is a very recent picture of them.