Before I start writing anything about this let me start out by saying I'm not emo. I like the fashion sometimes. Of course, I like all kinds of fashion. It's not because I'm attention seeking. Far from it actually. Lastly, Yes I cut.
Okay so here we go...
Let me start by explaining why I personally cut. Because I like to. There you have it. I'm not some depressed person or anything. I may have some problems, but then again don't we all? I genuinely like how it feels. I like how it looks. I like the look of scars. I'm not some sort of Masochist. I understand that most people think of it as a horrible thing that ruins the body and puts you in danger. You have piercings? Tattoos? Do you drink? Smoke? Those are all things that harm your body. Besides, it's my body. I should be able to do what I want with it.
FACT: My body is beautiful. I am not absolutely covered in scars.
How it began...
When I was younger I wanted attention. As stated earlier that is not why I do it. However that is how it started. I had a group of friends that were pretty much emo. We all went to church together and people would talk about there problems and seek out comfort from others. Many started cutting for it. I did as well. Not too long after that I began to cut whenever I felt I was going through some tough shit. It was never anything deep. Never left scars. Until something happened to me that was actually serious. It was a horrible encounter. I'm not ganna go into detail but that was the first time I ever got scars from cutting. It's been several several years and they are not going away. I felt dirty and wrong and I just turned to the first thing I could. So I cut. I was also put into a crazy person hospital. Go figure. After that I started to cut more. I liked how it felt.
Then I realized I wasn't doing it because I was emotionally distrait or anything like that. I just was because I liked it. It was pretty. It felt nice.
I do not cut often. Mostly because the places I always want to are in plain view or I know my family or friends will eventually see and ask questions. They assume I'm going through some kind of shit. I'm not.
I have had my moments when I have been way upset and started to cut but it's like having a safety blanket to me. Something I can do that makes me feel better. I guess I am kind of a Masochist in a way because I DO like the sore feeling after it's scabbed up but I honestly don't want people to assume anything.
I can recall a time when I went to 'the Lake' with my family and I had scars on my legs that nobody had seen yet. they were healed and all but they were new. My loud mouthed Eldest Brother was the one who shouted "What the Hell did you do to your legs?" I have quite large scars on my calves you see. Most of the family ignored it. Thankfully. But....I did feel awkward for being put on spotlight. the scars on my wrists are the most noticeable to the public eye but nobody says anything. Who would? It's better that way. then I don't have to try to explain myself and sound crazy.
Maybe I am slightly off the wall.
Once more...
Cutting to me is pretty. On my body.
Some pictures I've seen are just gross. Seriously. Like Eww.
Well that's pretty much it. If you have anymore questions then I will gladly answer. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment